Tuesday, March 17, 2009

BM changed her mind

Yesterday is the most devastating day i have had since we started our adoption journey. I received a call from the BM yesterday and we talked about how our weekend was and how she was feeling. She said she was feeling good and that was it. Then i received a call from Stephanie in the afternoon saying that BM was not sure what she wanted to do. That she felt pressured and that she just did not know what to do. I was just so devastated when i heard those words specially after i was already attached to the baby and BM i have been there for all the ultrasounds and i thought everything was just perfect. Well it was not and the BM could not tell me to my face that that how she was feeling. Stephanie was very comforting when she told me don't worry maybe this was not meant to be and that she knows we will be parents soon. I wish i would not have told my family and my husband family it just makes it harder. I cried a lot yesterday and i told my hubby the bad news when he came home from work he was also upset we could not believe it we just hugged and cried. I think part of the reason she changed her mind is because she left the center and went to live back at her parents house just because she was High Risk and the center could not have her stay there. Now the BM feels pressured and is all confused now. Atleast this happned now and not at the last minute i think it would HURT even more. I am so hurt by everything GOD please help us get through this rollercoster.

6 comments:

  1. I came across your blog from a friend of a friend. I just wanted to say I'm sorry and send you a big hug. Adoption is so rewarding, I just wish there was no heartbreak along the way. Take care of yourself and also take time to heal. This is a loss and your need to cry it out. I'm so sorry!

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  2. From what you wrote I'm not seeing an outright "no." Did BM actually say no, or Stephanie? Or is she just confused? Or is the mother exerting pressure on the BM and causing problems?

    This is rough. Anyone going through this knows it isn't easy at all, and this is one the of the hardest things to take. Hang in there. **HUGS**

    Allie

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  3. I'm so sorry you're going through this. I know it's so difficult because you're already bonded and invested in the bm. Hugs to you....

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  4. Like Allie said, I didn't hear an outright "no" either. I know this is a hard time for you. I can't begin to think of what to say at a time of loss like this one... Put everything in the hands of God. He'll know what to do... Big hugs. -Maru

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  5. Thank you all for all of your support. I have been away for a while, but i am back and strong and trying to stay positive.

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  6. I know this is your blog. I am sorry that you are so stressed right now, but can't you find a better way to describe the women you hope are carrying your child?

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